I guess it’s time for me to get my act together.. I could never have guessed how hard this would possibly be. Losing Emma has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to cope with in my entire life.
I apologise for the delay in writing this blog. I just didn’t have the heart to do it, and I don’t know how many attempts it will take me to do it now.
Primarily, I wish to thank everyone (around 100 people) for making the Celebration of Emma’s Life a beautiful memory at Yealmpton Woodland Burial Ground. Some of you traveled a heck of a long way to be with us. Thank you!
The sun shone, we listened to songs that we chose with Emma, and Danni and I shared poems and letters we wrote for Em. I had to record mine because I knew I wouldn’t be able to read them on the day. Terri picked a beautiful song by Bliss ‘A Hundred Thousand Angels’ as her tribute. (I’m listening to it as I’m writing these words).
Rupert and Claire from The Green Funeral Comp did a wonderful job taking care of Emma until we laid her to rest, and in organizing her big day. Thankyou both x
We’ve been back to ‘Emma’s Flowerbed’ (as we’ve named it) a few times, to give it some tlc. I planted a white geranium while the weather was warmer, that was growing in a pot beside Emma’s bed while she was poorly. It’s doing nicely and beginning to spread a little. I hope it copes with the winter. On Saturday 26th November we went to the ‘tree planting’ day. Emily chose a cherry blossom to be planted beside her mum. It’s only a wee sapling right now, but I’m sure it will grow to be beautiful and fruitful.
Before Emma died, Danni and I had a conversation with her (whilst she could still talk – it got really difficult for her at the end) about what she would like on her big day. She resigned herself to never being married, something she had always dreamed of, and told us what she would like us to do for her…. I think we did good, and I’m sure she would have loved it.
Thankfully, Terri made it in time to spend a couple of weeks with Em, and Emma got to meet her new nephew William. What a blessing that was.
Even back at the beginning of 2015 after Em had been given the news that she had cancer I believed she would find a way through this. So did she for a while. She totally changed her lifestyle and diet and the cancer that had riddled her breast, lymph, liver and lungs had dissolved. She was doing so well.
I can’t deny that I am really frustrated with the whole poisoning the body with chemo thing… and then not to be monitoring her brain! when her oncologist told us that it was the chemo that sent the cancer to her brain??? I still have a major problem getting my head around this. It’s such a waste of a young life. A total waste.
On Christmas Eve, it will be five months from the day Emma passed away. Five months without my daughter, and five months that Emily and Tom have been without their mum.
So, I guess it’s time….. for me to crawl out of these ashes and learn how to fly! I’ve put all the sadness and frustration into doing what Emma would have wanted me to do. She believed I would make a difference, and I aim to do that with her guidance.
I have completed my Advanced Diet and Nutrition course, at last!, and I’ve almost completed an Inspired Leadership Branding course with Nick Williams. Thankyou Nick for your inspiration and friendship, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me through the last few weeks.
In the New Year (2017!!) I will begin offering consultations again. I will let you know when my new website is up and running to see if there is anything I can do to be of service to you.
In the meantime, Thankyou!