As I lie here cradling my firstborn, Emma, after she’s just finished vomiting for the umpteenth time over the last 2 days, I am reminded of when she was born – when she needed me to do everything for her, trusting me to keep her safe and nurtured.
The same love I felt for her back then, almost 35 years ago, surges through me now.
As I hold her head over the toilet, or bucket – if she can’t get to the bathroom in time- and rub her back, I tell her once more how it’s all going to be ok (I truly believe it is!).
It’s amazing how that unconditional mothering instinct takes over – it doesn’t go anywhere, just sits patiently in the wings, waiting until one of your children needs it.
So, we’ve been nestled in a beautiful Welsh hill/mountain since Friday night, escaping from the bombardment of sound penetrating the walls of our home as our next-door neighbours renovate their newly bought flat so that it’s ready for them to rent out. The constant drilling, banging and sanding has been torture for Em and we just had to get her away from it. The lovely Oshi Ow
en of Felin Fields came to our rescue and gifted us an amazing cottage for the week. It’s had it’s challenges, but it’s been a wonderful gift. Thankyou so much Oshi!
The pain that Emma experiences on a daily basis would bring us mere mortals to our knees, yet she deals with it – between the bouts of vomiting. The pressure in her head is sometime unbearable, and yet she bears it.
She asks me: “How long do I have to put up with this pain mum?” I don’t know what to say… 😥
As I began writing this blog she said:
“I’ve got an old song playing in my head. It goes “…. this much is true…” I could hear it too, but it just wouldn’t materialize – so I googled the lyrics and we listened to Spandau Ballet’s “True” on YouTube.
Something in that song released something for Em and she sobbed.
“…..this is the sound of my soul…”
“… you know this much is true…”
and strangely the reason I felt compelled to write this bog today is somehow wrapped around the words of that song.
“Why do I find it hard to write the next line..oh I want the truth to be said…”
For some time now I have been made aware that people (who may, or may not have donated to Emma’s fund) have been expressing a desire to know where the funding money that has already been donated has gone.
You may not be aware that one of the many facets of my portfolio is book-keeping, and I have kept meticulous records of every penny that has been donated and how it has helped with Emma’s well-being. If you would like to know where the funds have been spent, please ask me. I have no problem sharing that information with you.
I had intended to write up a daily record of everything it costs to maintain Emma’s health but you know what, I have more important things to do right now, like holding up my daughter’s head as she vomits again….
Whilst I am writing this blog I would also like to share some good news, and thank all of you who donated towards Emma having a private MRI scan – the Universe took it out of our hands and our family doctor came up with the goods. I did mention in the blog where I asked for your help that I was waiting to hear from her. She didn’t believe the radiologist would agree to scan Emma if she didn’t agree to have chemo, but they did agree – and Emma is booked in for a scan next week!
I totally understand if you would like me to refund your donation towards a private scan – please private message me and I will arrange that, minus the percentage that GoFundMe took out of it as a handling fee.
For those of you who continue to trust me to use your donations for Emma’s well-being, i don’t know what else to say except a heart-felt Thank You! – again!!! We are so grateful for your continued support.
It took me a few goes to write this today as Em is vomiting a LOT! and the pressure in her head is building and becoming more pronounced than usual – we’re just hoping that the Homeopathic Remedies so kindly donated by the lovely Jenny are bringing on a healing crisis.
I posted on Facebook yesterday asking for recommendations for natural remedies for the sickness and a number of people said acupuncture, so we’re looking into a local practitioner here until we can get Emma home.
Once again- Thank You. Our gratitude is immense!